Salad forks are a cruel joke

Can someone explain salad forks to me? It boggles the mind how something so fraught with design flaws can have survived in our society for so long, unchallenged. 

Let's start with the tines. Foreshortened and squatter than a regular fork, they seem to actually repel foods rather than grab them, most especially lettuce. Often one of the tines on the side sports a jaunty flair, as if made to actively kick food off of it. And in the center, a widened gap between the tines that appears to be designed to grab and hold more food, but in fact does not, since food never, ever makes it that far down the fork. 

I'm calling for the abolition of these pointless, pointed utensils. 

Instead, do as I do, and eat your salad with chopsticks. You have more control, and can pick up as much or as little as you like. With a little practice, you will easily learn how to negotiate even slippery items like supremed citrus and avocado. 

Who's with me? Let's #chopthesaladfork!